Cami Benjamin retired from the WTA Tour in 1996. She was formerly
ranked in the top
30, and had a career that spanned over 14 years. In 1984 she
reached the semi-finals of the French Open. Since her retirement,
she has spent 2 years studying in Germany, and is currently studying at
UCLA in Los Angeles.
"I grew up in a loving, supportive 2-parent home with a heavy Christian influence. Even though my parents didn't go to church often (they couldn't agree on where to take us), they taught my sister and me the 10 Commandments from when we were very young, and they taught us to love and believe in and fear God.
However, until I was 18, God was just a being or presence somewhere out there. I thought that I was a good person, and as long as I tried my best to live by the 10 Commandments and didn't kill anyone or mess up too badly, that hopefully I'd make it to Heaven. The summer I turned 18 was when I had to find out that either God was real and there was more to life than what meets the eye, or there is no God and thus no real meaning or significance to life, that we're all just cosmic accidents with no future, that Mother Teresa has the same fate as Hitler, leaving us to question why we're here and to grab desperately at the wrong things to try to give us significance.
As I look back on it now, I can see how the Lord was pulling out all of my safety mats, to bring me to a point where I was willing and able to look hard and deep at my life, what it meant, where I fit in to the world, if one can be sure of getting to Heaven. It was the summer when I had my best result in tennis -- I reached the semi-finals of the 1984 French Open. While everyone around me was going crazy about it, I remember thinking, "So this is it? This is 'success', what I've been working so hard to achieve?" It was so short-lived, shallow, and unfulfilling. When I returned home from this summer trip in Europe, I faced death in going to my grandfather's funeral. He was an incredibly caring, loving, gentle man, and I wondered, "Can you know for sure that he's going to Heaven? Was he good enough for God to accept him up there? Can anyone be sure?" Then a few weeks later, my best friend really let me down, and it hurt me deeply. I was unhappy on the road playing the tour even though I was having the best year of my career. I had just turned 18, and I was really struggling with my sense of identity and purpose. I'd been travelling the world chasing a little yellow tennis ball and trying to hit it over a net and inside some lines on a little court; surely there must be some greater meaning and fulfillment.
This allowed me to get to a point of near crisis, where something
had to give. I cried out to God, and hoped He was there to hear me.
Well, the Lord had His loving, gracious hand on me, and He placed a Christian
lady in my life who gave me a book which transformed my life. The
book was called "The Spirit-Controlled Temperament", by Tim LaHaye.
The book basically introduces Jesus Christ as the Savior and enabler to
turn our personality
weaknesses into strengths. Up to that point, I thought I was
a Christian; I was as much as I knew to be, in that I loved God,
and tried to be good. But He was always very distant, not personal
to me, too busy, important, and/or far away to be bothered with my petty
self, or so I thought. But I was basically a good person, I hoped
good enough for Him to let me in.
Yet even though I'd avoided most of the pitfalls that trap many
teenagers into compromise, I still know I did and thought wrong things
and was unable to live without sinning. Once I came to understand
how Jesus came to sacrifice His perfect life for our sins, I entered into
a personal relationship with God through the atoning blood of Jesus.
Until I read that book, I always thought that I had to somehow earn my
salvation with good works or being a "good person."
Through all my years, growing up, I never recall hearing that NONE of us can save ourselves, that we CANNOT EARN salvation, that this is the whole point of why Jesus lived but more importantly died, to pay the price for all of our sins that we could never pay. I'd missed the whole point of Christmas all those years. Then, I was so relieved to discover that I didn't have to earn my salvation, that it was a free gift !!! Once I realized this most wonderful gift from God, I gladly accepted Jesus to be my Savior and Lord, and allowed Him to lead me in this adventure called life.
The neat part for me was that God didn't really take anything away
from me. Since I'd not gotten involved much in "worldly" things,
I didn't have any terrible addictions to break. Instead, the Lord
added a whole new dimension to my life. He gave me an inner peace,
and an assurance that I was going to go to Heaven when I die, not based
on my goodness, but on what He's already done for all of us on the cross,
and based on His Word. He
confirmed His presence to me in several ways. Suddenly, I
had a desire to read the Bible through which He has revealed Himself to
us, and I actually wanted to go to church, to learn more about my new love,
and to meet other people who knew Him as I did. The Lord placed several
Christians in my path, who were invaluable to me while I travelled on the
lonely tour. He gave a new purpose to my tennis. He allowed
me to speak to so many
people about Him and what He'd done for me, because I was a professional
athlete.
Tennis became a platform, from which I was able to witness to other
players from formerly Eastern block countries where religion was forbidden,
and to fans or people I sat next to in airplanes or to people working at
the tournaments. At Wimbledon, I had several opportunities to go
in to local classrooms and share my faith with the English kids.
Tennis also became a classroom, in which the Lord taught me things about
myself that He wanted
to develop in me. Most importantly, He is my ever-present,
always-faithful Friend who has promised never to leave me or desert me.
This world is full of disappointments and broken promises; but He
is faithful, and His Word is 100% dependable. What a blessing!
Now that I've retired, I have a home church and I'm going to college.
But I have a desire to serve the Lord wherever I am. In this direction,
He's led me to continue to use tennis as a ministry tool, and sports in
general as a sort of mission field. The retired athlete has special
needs peculiar to the nature of professional sports, and the retired athlete
also still
has great potential to minister to others and use his or her sport
as a platform to speak to youth and to be a well-needed role model in our
society.
I was encouraged to write out my testimony (above) as I began involvement with a sports ministry, and I think its a good idea for everyone to do: it helps you see how the Lord worked in your life even before you knew Him, and it gives you a good way to share with others concisely how you came to know the Lord and what He has done in your life.
I am so thankful for my relationship with the Lord. I don't think I would have been able to play on the tour for 14 years without knowing Him (at least not without going crazy!). He is a constant companion, and the tour is a very lonely life, especially when you can't afford to travel with an entourage or coach.
I am now at UCLA, working on my psychology Bachelors degree, planning on continuing with graduate studies to become a sports psychologist. But I am open to the Lord's leading, and if He has a different direction planned for me, great! I believe that His plan is the best one, and I allow Him to direct me. Now, that doesn't mean that I just sit around waiting for Him to write a revelation of His plans on a wall for me, or for something to fall into my lap. I have found that waiting is active, not passive. I heard a saying once that is appropriate for this: you can steer only a moving car, not a parked one.
I have always been interested in psychology, and I certainly had my main problem in my head rather than physically as I played, thus the desire to become a sports psychologist. But sometimes the Lord leads us in paths that we wouldn't have foreseen or planned, and it is important to be open to those plans as well. Although it was very scary and intimidating for me to go to college as a 30-year-old freshman, I felt the Lord's leading to do it. He has blessed me along the way, even providing 2 scholarships for me!
I now have different challenges as a retired athlete and student.
The Lord ministers to me differently now, but my ministry is also different.
That is one of the coolest things about the Lord: wherever we are and whatever
our challenges, He uses them to teach and mold us, and He uses US!
Wherever we are, we can minister to others. The tour breeds a selfishness,
where everything is focused on the player. The Lord had to deal with me
about
this aspect, and show me the servant's attitude of following Him,
of allowing Him to use me to minister to others. This is a constant struggle,
for the flesh is still present, the human, selfish nature that wants to
fulfill itself. But praise God, the Christian walk is a journey and a process,
and He is there every step of the way. Even when we blow it, His mercy
and forgiveness are there when we repent, and nothing surprises Him:
He can still get us back to where He wants us.
I encourage all of you to give yourselves completely to Him, to allow Him to direct you and use you. He is a good God. He is the Creator, so it is exciting to see how He works and to be part of it! What a privilege!"
"...let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so
easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out
for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfector of
our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross..."-Hebrews
12:1-2
Godspeed!
